at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize