my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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