So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
