so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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