youre lurking in front of me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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