How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
