you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
