This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
