Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
