Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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