I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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