the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
