I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
