Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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