I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
