you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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