Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize