dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
