At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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