So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
