I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
