my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
