I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
