I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
