i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
