I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
