I just cut my nipple shaving
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
