why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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