oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
