He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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