I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
