Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
