So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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