you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
