I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
