yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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