wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
