sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
