Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
