And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
