Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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