Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
