I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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