She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
