She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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