Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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