Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
