she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
