I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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