At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
