Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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