like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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