Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
