He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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