Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
