Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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