so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
