What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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