please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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