I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
