fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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