it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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