And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
