so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
