the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
