The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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