I wish my penis had an off switch
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
