I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize