i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
