I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
