I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
