I could make wine with my vomit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
