You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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