Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
