Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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