Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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