break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
