Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
