there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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