Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the day after is always just damage control
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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