Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So squirting runs in the family.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
