Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she peed on how many people?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
