Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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