bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
