Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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